To be or not to be. The famous line from Hamlet is that if you ask someone to quote Shakespeare this is what they are likely to quote, what most people don’t know is that this is from a very long monologue. How much more can you quote? maybe the next sentence ‘To be or not to be, that is the question.’ is very much a rhetorical question, which is the nature of a monologue. But did you know that the first verse reads like this: To be or not to be, that is the question; whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them.
To live or to die. To live or to die. So why am I talking about Shakespeare and quite a dark part in a newsletter about who am I? I actually think he provides the reframing for a better question.
Why do I live?
If you asked my parents or teachers what the answer to this question is the answer would be: To ask why and talk. Talk. Probably talk too much. In fact, I don’t think I had a report card from about ages 8-16 which didn’t have a line going ‘Joe would do so much better if he put the same amount of effort and focus into his written communication as he does into his vocal communication’ In other words I talk too much.
So back to the question, why do I live, what gets me up in the morning? I would like to say something along the lines of to make others happy but that just rings like a synonym for to please other people and that sounds a bit toxic and not the sort of answer I should be coming to.
So the above image is a reminder to myself on how to start working out the answer. start with the facts:
I am 23 years old and studying for a PhD focusing on mental distress in dairy farmers. Before this, I did an undergraduate degree in agriculture. I am now in my second year of the PhD and things seem to be going well. I work in an admin job which is relatively mundane but it enables me to live and do other things like my PhD and writing this newsletter. I still like being outside as I find it connects me back to farming as well as getting me to see new places. But I don’t think this is who I am. This is what I do. I don’t think any of us truly know who we are I think that’s the beauty and really embraces what I mean by being a stumbling student. Stumbling through and evolving as time goes by. Learning who one is, every day.
I quite like the quote from the recently deceased Charlie Munger, a dear friend to Warren Buffet.
‘Is there such thing as a cheerful pessimist? That’s what I am.’
But for now, I’m quite happy not knowing who I am. I’m happy with where I am today and am happy at the prospects of my future whatever that may entail. As the title of the newsletter suggests I am a Stumbling Student.
I hope you enjoyed this week’s whimsical and drifting newsletter which was more of an exercise for me than something for you. If you want to see more regular updates please look at some of the links below.
I love this - keep going!